Today would have been the first day where Suzie and I had scheduled a time. The other days we connected when it was possible for both of us, but yesterday we agreed we will set a certain time and keep it at this time, except of course something comes in between.
I tried to call her at the set time, no answer. Two hours later she texted me. First I wasn’t sure what to do, should I just say then we will connect tomorrow, or if we should still connect today? A bit later I felt still to connect today.
Am not so sure about the boundary thing. I know boundaries are important, but then I also understand when she is not doing well and it can be difficult to be on time. Maybe this also depends on the situation.
So we did connect and it has been a struggle getting in touch with Suzie’s spirit. Her soul was very strong and the part of hopelessness. I asked if Giver would be here, and her soul said he is a little bit here. I asked if Giver can speak directly to me, or not today? Not sure if it was her soul or Giver speaking but said, that today it is difficult and there is the hopelessness, not enjoying life,…
I said I still would like to bless Giver and did. Afterwards he said that was good, also her voice sounded a bit better.
I so honor and appreciate you for everything you are doing. I have only started and see that it is not so easy, but to see when even a little bit is happening brings joy.
* * *
Well there are a bunch of layers here. First, if she is a Giver, then this will be a battle you need to decide whether you are going to fight or not.
At the end of the day, most Givers, regardless of where they are in their walk, will do everything they can to get you to synchronize with them. Somehow, for a Giver to synchronize with someone else is very challenging for them. Sometimes the battle over synchronization is overt and sometimes it is subconscious on their part.
You will have to decide whether this is a battle you want to fight or not. When I decide I am going to stand on that issue, I set a single window of time and put the burden on them to initiate within that window. If they don’t, they miss ministry for the day.
A second layer is the fact that she is DID which means she does not have full control of her choices and schedule. You don’t really want to punish a person for having switched when they can’t help the fact that they switched. They get enough of that from other people who do not understand DID.
Today, it was pretty clear that a part was in front. No big deal. This will happen a lot. The more the parts see that you are life giving, the more they will push and shove and crowd their way to the front to get your attention and some help.
So this sets up a very messy season in your work with her. Working with her spirit will give you the best long term results. We want to work with the parts, but not until later. But the parts don’t get “later.” That is not a function of their world view!
So you will be in a juggling match for the indefinite future. Welcome to my world.
For now, when a part is in front and she is not having a good day, you SHOULD connect. The reason for this is that parts have almost invariably had massive rejection and silence from you will usually be interpreted as an awful thing — rejection. It can really cause Suzie to spiral out of control, if parts think they have been bad and you have walked away from them — rejected and abandoned them.
So to save yourself a two hour clean-up-and-calm-down operation, make the two minute call to let them know you are still in the game.
I would connect, just say something reassuring so Suzie (and the committee in her head) know you are still there and are not mad, but don’t spend much time. Comforting parts is a deep hole that you can never fill, so I acknowledge them, but don’t usually engage with parts unless we are moving toward integration, and you are nowhere there yet.
Now, in a case like that, I would speak to Giver and make it clear that there is a difference between reality and feeling. He feels far from you and can’t hear well, and can’t engage in conversation. Acknowledge that.
But swiftly point out to him that nothing has changed in his essence. You are at peace about that. And you will try again soon to connect on a better day.
So call, connect briefly, see if Giver can hear, reassure Giver, then get off the phone.
But at the end of the day, that is only a suggestion from my style. I want to remind you again and again, you are a very different person. Be yourself. Use this exercise to unpack who you are.