Suzie texted me this morning saying that she realized it is just so hopeless and that at this point she doesn’t really want to keep on working on anything. She does hope that soon this torture will be over.
I replied to her that I understand and hope this for her too. And I will be there for her. Then we texted a few more times back and forth. I wanted to make sure that she really knows I am not offended and that nothing changed in our relationship.
Is there anything else I should do, except staying in touch, but waiting until I hear from her?
As I am writing this, I just got another text from her asking if we can talk tomorrow again.
I feel very much inadequate but am very grateful for your coaching in this.
* * *
This is utterly common. Nothing to be concerned about. You handled it perfectly by not arguing and just reassuring her of the relationship being solid, and her having the freedom to go forward or not.
And she responded that she wants to go forward.
We don’t know for sure, but I would guess that there was a hopeless part in the front earlier. You will meet this hopeless one many, many times in the future, so just walk through the protocol you used today. It is solid. Eventually she switched and the High Competence part that wants to grow responded with the Go signal.
All good. You handled it splendidly.
Copyright March 2015 by Arthur Burk
From the Lab