I have been working intermittently with someone who has a huge amount of wholeness, follows directions impeccably, but simply has very little initiative in life.
We have talked through the fact that slaves obey and sons create, but there has been no movement. Seems to be more than a spirit of slavery.
Today I realized that she came out of a home and a religious stream that withheld permissions. Specifically, her father absolutely dominated every facet of the home. He did the grocery shopping, defined the food they ate, determined who their friends were, what they did for holidays and everything else in between.
Her mother was compliant and executed as directed. She had no permission to be a person, much less a woman or a wife.
The religious stream “Sally” went into was equally as repressive, with the leader having all permission, and any initiative on the part of the people being deemed rebellion or an independent spirit.
I asked Father to come to Sally’s spirit and to give her the appropriate permissions to be who she was made to be at this point in her life. There was a very tender moment.
I pondered that for a while. Sally’s father was extreme in his predatory, smothering control. BUT, almost every spouse and every parent has denied permission to someone. It might be worth your time to look at that picture.
As I looked at my childhood, the biggest withholding of permission from Dad was permission to risk in relationships. We could risk with tarantulas, snakes, and sting rays, but people were deemed horrendously dangerous and we were to walk very conservatively in regards to our associates.
I am not sure where it happened, but somewhere along the way I was given (or took!) permission to associate with rabble, road kill and assorted dangerous bipeds. I might be better off with a tad bit of Dad’s caution these days, but the horse is out of the barn on this issue.
I looked at Mom. Couldn’t find a single area where she withheld a permission that would be useful for me as an adult. All of the withholdings were quite useful for keeping this black sheep alive during a turbulent childhood.
Then I looked at their marriage. Dad DEFINITELY withheld permission for Mom to have her own theological ideas. He was the sole arbiter of theological orthodoxy for his entire family. On that one, I distinctly remember when and where God gave me permission to be my own man in terms of my beliefs.
Then I looked at Mom and permissions given to Dad. I hit a black hole there. I couldn’t think of any single permission that she could have given him! Not sure what that means.
Anyway, it was a worthwhile exercise for me, just to see how nuanced permissions could be. Dad might have been considered guilty of child endangering for all of the permissions he gave us to work with power tools and to roam the jungle and the river with all of its pests. He was a highly permissive father in that regard, but in one other niche, not so much.
For those of you coaching people on a journey, you might add this to your tool box and see if you can easily release some people who are still walking in the shadow of parental lack of permission.
Copyright June 2017 by Arthur Burk