When Disappointment Wrestles with Achievement


Good Friday morning.

I had a plan for today.

It is a three day weekend for SLG.  I have come off three hard weeks.

The plan was to sleep in.  A long time.

Then I was going to drive to the nearest telephone pole and handcuff my diligent, task-oriented self to it and leave it there for the day.

Next would come a trip to the grocery store for a loaf of potato bread, then a stint in the kitchen fixing a most loved breakfast.

AND THEN I would go to my prayer room, roll out the red carpet and invite my quirky right brained spirit to come out of exile and engage with God and life in its own way, all day, interspersed with gentle naps and dabs of comfort food.

Didn’t happen.

One of my peeps had a minor urgent moment first thing.  I decided to engage by phone while still in bed.  Turned out to be a bigger deal than I expected.  And in the process of that, the Holy Spirit gave me the answer to an absolutely maddening demonic strategy that has been playing havoc with certain people for a long time.

While working with this peep, my mind was racing through the different applications of this principle to people I know who have been stuck for a while.  I will write a blog about the Canaanite Iron Bowl sometime.

Eventually we wrapped up.  I pondered rolling over and going back to sleep.  No deal.  Mister Taskmaster had already relegated sleep to the doghouse for the indefinite future.

So I got up and began my day with decidedly less sparkle than I had anticipated.  Not sure I will be able to get to that place of open ended freedom to be, not having to do.

Emotionally there is considerable conflict.  Part of me is exhilarated over having a clean, clear, absolute answer to the problem that has blocked several people, so many times.  I am dangerous and am so going to put a hurt on a certain number of critters over the coming weeks.

But at the same time, I am keenly disappointed that my spirit’s play day got torpedoed.  I don’t often have an entire day to gift to my spirit for engagement in the spirit realm without duty.

Disappointment and exhilaration.  They can live in the same house at the same time.  But it is weird.

I used to feel guilty over feeling disappointment when God had done something big and glorious.  There is no question that the Canaanite Iron Bowl insight is a HUGE gift, and it will benefit many others.  It was a gift from God.  A treasure.  A tool that will wear well over years.  I am delighted to be able to nuke that strategy of the enemy.

But . . .

 

These days, I have learned to be more at peace with my emotions.  They are what they are.  A very few are markers for woundedness that need to be addressed.  A very few are dangerous and need to be dampened before they flame out of control.

Mostly I live in a complicated world, and there is room for a spirit emotion and a soul emotion to bounce against each other in the same room, on the same day.

Copyright April 2015 by Arthur Burk

NOT from my prayer room.  Grr. . .